A Country Without Metal, featuring Vlad Putin

Plague, racism, and now war...and nary a single shred of purposeful art or music to be found. What's wrong with this place? 

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Transcript

do you sometimes listen to a podcast and think dude don't talk just let the music
but the music run man I don't hear you I wanna hear where that goes
too bad too bad it wasn't world sucks my name is Robert Wagner is Wednesday March the second in the year twenty twenty two recordings about two thirty PM two thirty seven PM to be exact but yeah new theme song right there stole that from the internet not gonna tell you where to see don't turn me in not that I was particularly worried about it I only really worry about like stealing the stuff that comes from really angry people you know angry people tend to litigate I don't really worry about people who are angry and that particular just not particularly angry guy maybe as I don't know I don't really know might I've never met him I just found my way on to is a you tube page install the fuck out of his music and what what do you do you go tell on me now why don't you go tell let me why don't you do that why don't you just do that it's like what people do now out right they find any little thing that somebody did that they don't agree with you know like stealing a fucking song off the internet they go tell autumn like a fucking god damn tattle tale that's what you are maybe you're not but a lot of people are I'm not I don't think so
but I rip that off and I did so because I thought you know today's theme is gonna be around music that's right all the shit going on in the world and there's a lot of shit going on in the world I am with little bothered by the lack of angst the in your face protest anti war anger music you
like there's there's a fucking war going on like a big all fuckin war like bombs bursting in air and rockets red glare the whole works man and is that's sick some bad shit we just got done with covert now this during covered black lives matter and now this can humankind can get an even break it's not gonna happen it's all drama drama drama this time and some fucking little pissant bucking the president in air quotes
from the great country of Russia
terrible accent there my apologies to a regular Russian people not triptych little man in big suits sit in a bunker all paranoid and weird we must get back the Soviet Union and make it big once again people would filter my name I don't for your name your fucking pussy fucking Putin
but worse than that it occurred to me that for all this bullshit that's going on right we just don't have near the outrage that we should in the in the arts community you know social media is full of outrage in every fucking direction probably too much but nothing in the arts community I think in my opinion in my assessment of recent times adequately reflects the anger that should be in the air right now like where is the fucking Metallica and all this you know where's the punk rock all we get is some harshly worded tweets from fucking Justin Bieber's press agent Justin hereby declares that he is absolutely against this war the fuck you Justin Bieber I don't even know if he did that I'm just using him as an example but you know when you look around that's really all you see fucking Bano he's over there fuckin sitting on a pile of fucking gold like some kind of god damn agent pirate I do declare I don't agree with this war okay Donna kind of goes without saying does not
but I don't see anything I don't hear anything there's nothing about this that has any sense of urgency whatsoever it kind of pisses me off you know because you know the second somebody mentions the nuclear option as though it's even an option right as though you know like it like you're a fuckin subway trying to figure out what's saying what you want do I take well I don't know nonstop shelling of major cities and perhaps some collateral damage or do I get that number for meal the fuck the nuclear option right I incinerate the fuck out of everybody it's not an option it's horrifying but the second some dickhead mention something like that thank you know apparently you know are are fine Russian president did not my president not your president but that little Dick had over there he is you know how dare you you know should anyone attempt to interfere with my unprovoked invasion of this country over here just remember I have got the button
fucking pussy that's nothing fucking Donald Trump with his feel little hands his feeble literacy press a button so what that doesn't mean anything anybody could press a fuckin button dude but can your army conquer so far it doesn't look like it but I don't know that's not even the only ones bugging me it's bugging me the people are dying down here on it's bothering me that thousands of Russian soldiers are being forced into doing something they probably deep down don't want to do like any other soldier really nobody really to go to war it's always some little person with with little anger feelings the pushes amounted to it and I think as Americans one of our greatest export is music that's one of our greatest export and here we are just blown the chance to have some meaningful out rage metal or pluck outrage bluegrass I don't even give a shit I'm just I'm not hearing it I keep looking I keep trying to find it I keep digging into apple music Hey he doesn't use Spotify anymore
but I'm just not finding it hello find it very discouraging the time was back in the eighties I'm a child of the eighties I'm getting up there in years back in the eighties man you had like two three different camps right you know this from grade school junior high school high school whatever you the people who are stoners who listened to the angst music they're all like really worried about big political questions you know sending money to the contras stuff like that like like it's like anybody smoking weed in their bedroom with a fuckin Samantha fox poster on their wall new fuck all about what any of that was about you know it's it's only now that you can look back on it go that's what they were doing fuck that Reagan what piece of shit but back then you know you just need to be angry about it why will because Metallica told me so and that was enough and I appreciate that you know I thought well you know they're doing they're doing god's work rising up making music about all the fear that was wrapped up in him all the liquor liquor in fear
but it's true all that stuff was about annihilation and it reflected the times what we have that we have fucking pop music like obnoxiously badly auto tuned pop music no wonder none of the other countries in the world take us seriously what it those fuckin stupid Americans we're sitting here Putin's finger on the button blowing people up left and right fuckin soldiers marching into the city and the best we got is what I don't even know but none of it has any form of angst none of it has any urgency none of it is about what's wrong with the world you know the the only people you got made fun of Eric Clapton a couple weeks ago gone the stupid show and you know I fucking hate that guy and I hate this message and I hate I hate everything about him hate hate hate fuck I'm more angry than most people yeah even really particularly angry guy what it bothers me that here's a guy from you know he's standing up for something you know granted it's incredibly misguided and let's face it stupid but it least he stands for something you can stand for stupid we don't stand for anything not musically not artistically you know you can say there's all kinds of films being made about the human condition look at you so introspective you can tell me your story
boring how different do you really think you fucking are than anybody else you have a right to exist sure everybody does unless you know you live in Putin's Russia that should make you angry I should fucking make you angry where's the angry movies is there any good movies anymore I don't count a that Marvel shit that's not anger that's entertainment twenty we'll say well yeah man but you know sometimes you just want to like I was love that excuse you know sometimes you just want to escape the reality that sucks okay cool but what every fucking movie you watch is an escape from the reality that sucks that's not just occasionally you want to escape the reality that sucks is that you full on need to escape it and it by just keeping it you're probably not confronting it didn't you know maybe you should exercise your brain and your right as an American in the greatest country in the fucking planet and I don't know do something about it in if doing something about it means creating art that goes against the grain of I don't know a horrible dictator so be it that's good that's good for us you know that's standing for something but all too often were wrapped up in the fucking did you see what trump tweeted not that he doesn't work but you know what I mean fuck it what's that what's that one Margaret Taylor Marjorie Taylor fucking green Jonathan Taylor Thomas heard here feel hated I don't know
but you get people like that and you're like oh man she just makes me so mad she makes you mad this mother fucker this little shit runs an entire massive country full of what I assume are wonderful people and he's decided to send them off to die in the name of what his diminutive stature really nothing else that's really what it is he's a tiny little man with a tiny little Dick in a tiny little brain and he's angry about it but you're busy worrying about what some call fucking thinks about what who cares this is death man this is Megan this is destruction this is everything that our country should be against and we're sitting over here listening to what I'm gonna find something right now I'm the pop open my my apple music not my apple music but the generic apple music we got some new music man from ma tears for fears
fuck yep but tears were fucking tears for fears they probably make more fuckin angst music then you would typically here in your your regular top forty radio station you got some some Averell Wien oh man that's some hard core anti establishment music right there totally yeah movies music I think there's probably some stuff in the realm of the written word the probably takes some of our world leaders to task I'm almost certain of it but given the fact that we're all functionally illiterate in this country and we don't read a lot of books unless they have five the on the cover who's reading it you know the editors of The New York Times that's about it they can tell you Hey this is a great book at Amazon go Hey you should buy this on your kindle you go fuck you Jeff Bezos you should be given me your money you need to absolve my college debt did you know agree or disagree I don't really care the fact of the matter is people for country fucking die because bigger countries invading them that takes precedence over your bills okay can we just stop for a moment address this just for a second can we make some things that aren't self serving so that we can trying to express how much we care about our fellow human being just for fucking once just you know color outside the lines of the rest of the world expectations of America
can you imagine if we're really so great and I do believe we are don't get me wrong I do believe we are but man we don't really demonstrate that very much you don't demonstrate that by taking pride in your killer tweet against the Portland's mayor you know pardon fucking like what an insignificant little fuck right but yet that's what I do yeah now I feel silly now in hindsight I feel fucking silly like there's a genuine albeit tiny possibility that we're just a tiny little step closer to a nuclear Holocaust and I'm occupying my time by a
okay can bad jokes at that pencil next fuckin you know expense
that's that's sad when you stop and think about it that's pretty sad the bigger make bigger louder more obnoxious I can music for hope music for hope is one of the a little sections on apple music what's under music for help I'm curious
we've got one love and people get ready by Bob Marley and the Wailers service people get ready let's fucking trounced mother fuckers I agree what a Wonderful World Louis Armstrong imagine by John Lennon
fuck that stuff doesn't work you saw what happened to the peaceful protesters over these past couple years doesn't work show what's what you know I'm not saying go in there and bomb I'm not saying we should get involved militarily but I definitely think that we're doing human conscious service via our arts community are greater arts community by not flipping them a collective middle finger in the key of key I want something that is going at a blistering fucking two hundred beats per minute drop D. tuning fucking just all out assault every expletive in the book why not where is that fucking music where is that world where are those young people you should be passed off this is the world you're getting be angry about it we fucked up my the generation before mine and quite possibly
a little bit of a probably the generation after mine but if you're young person right now Jesus Christ he should be you should be scared you should be mad and you should have all the resolve in the world to fucking change it because we screwed up in all of these decades around the world are indicative of that failure we never should have had a guy in office that cuddle up to that fucking guy and we have a for four years it is not my fault that I vote for him no but I did my part to make the world what it is today and so when I look back on that I think fuck I didn't do enough I should have done better maybe I should make some angry fuckin songs you could you could you could you could get a response you know just something just anything anything to express how you feel because right now if you look at the entertainment landscape the art like of America you would think that we're just still obsessed with fucking fuckin big boats and hoes with that's what what what it's all about you know that that's all the music I still fucking here in okay that's great enjoy your fuckin yacht when the radiation is so fucking great that your skin is falling off enjoy your boat dekat that'll be awesome just you your fuckin you're you're fucking women in your cocaine and not enough sun block in the world to fuck and save you from that bird awesome and I don't mean to be depressing I of me to be sat out me to be negative I'm not I'm not a negative guy it's just it sounds to me that the opportunity to express who you are right now as a concerned citizen as a concerned American as an artist that stands for something is right in front of you it's been in front of you let's face it say something about it do something about it write something about it plays something about it and you're feeling fucking miserably and all you can do is this you can Jenny my PR person can just put out a statement about how I really don't like war and I gotta get back to you know sing the soul full auto tuned lyric over hip hop beat okay
fuckin hip not even angry anymore
yeah know you think about all the stuff going on in the black community in all the unfairness all the adjustments all the bullshit that the black community in this country had to indoor for god forever but particular the past few years the focus that's been on it and like literally what is the art that's coming out of that you know not the graffiti that you see on the plywood in downtown Portland mind you that stuff's great but the actual streamed by millions of people on Spotify five five where's that stuff where's the anger there it's gone it's all fucking done what do we agree about now nothing
but nothing it's all about who's got more money who's more money I don't have my money you have money nobody nobody has more money it makes me mad nine one one is literally a fucking joke in my town and nobody's here to fucking rap about it
maybe I am angry really thought about it I don't need to be I don't want to be
the fact the matter is
I'm kind of freaked out all admit it it's okay I'm kind of freaked out and I just need some gentle fuckin speed metal politically charged speed metal to to make me feel better you know that's what calms my nerves man and you know if I want that I have to go to like fucking Norway you know like all the good metals in Norway the problem with it I don't understand a fucking word of it you know and I can look up the translations and it's it's not really angry music so it's best if I don't like I made that mistake a few times I found a few songs I really really love in realm of Scandinavian death metal and yet when I go and look up the words it's like it's either really stupid shit like stuff about fuckin and elves and fucking you know just mystical wizard bullshit dragons and stuff or it's like just the most obnoxiously basic party music and so I don't do that anymore what I like to do is listen to it and because it's on a different language that I don't speak or understand I just imagine that is about all this really angry shit you know and it makes me feel better truly does because I get that like aggression thing it builds up and it exits my body in it's a wonderful thing you know so I watch the fuckin C. N. shit and then you know I I turn on a little bit of the stuff and you know I feel better but I just feel that you know as an export potential export we've got nothing we've got absolutely fucking nothing I take Bruce Springsteen at this point if I can make a concert for Ukraine featuring Bruce Springsteen play all the fuckin lame classics you know get fucking Billy Joel up their fucking special guest appearance by L. John Buchan Axel rose can come out and just all the stuff that the whole gang back together fucking Tina Turner she's still alive I'm not even sure I hope so Joni Mitchell fuck I don't care Paul Simon he's got to show up right because they're gonna have in Central Park
I would take that and like literally I don't think I mention an artist right there I can't even stand yeah that's it that's all really I just wanted to express myself for a few minutes in the only way I really have time to at the moment because you know day job day job still keeps going but but boss there's a war going on did you hear shut the fuck up and get back to work it's not over here what do you need you think you're gonna get a fucking day off a week of a month off what you need some vacation time are you from Ukraine no what would you tell awful because man I really I'm scared for people that's why
you know grow up
it's a big deal it's a really big deal and I'm not one to hype this kind shit I'm not one to bury my head in the sand when this kind of stuff comes about but how are we coping with it other than some mean fucking tweets
mean tweets I yep
it just kills me that we now live in an era where the best anybody can do to express their dissatisfaction is not art it's the mean tweet two hundred and eighty characters or two hundred eighty beats per minute all take the beats per minute every time anyway that's all I had to say pretty simple it out there and make me some fucking music